Always struck me as odd. No wonder. Donna is "Tessa", "Fortune", and now "Dale"?
Well, that's a SHOCKER. (Not.) Is this the same Donna that was against woo woo crap on the Cesspool Of Madness, but as Tessa/Dale/whatever "personality" she picks, yet is okay with it on the "new" BW.org? Hahahahahahaha.
Jillybean=Skyy from BB. Now their great plan is to have 1-800-DIAL-A-NUT nurse as "Noa". You can't make this stuff up. Inkerbelle, I feel bad, but... where are your scruples?
No commentary from me this time. I'm too busy having "not-so-crooked" O's with Seth. :)
Have fun clicking the "ads" (paranoid) Donna thinks that BB Mods click to cost her more money. Yeah, okay.
The link: http://sebsauvage.net/paste/?b9ee4d5b41931de5#2NI3b2Prx9n25um6SrV/lGH8WAH873F0O7zg4bLm8Us=
The text, since it expires in a month:
[Dale=Donna/Tessa/Fortune from Bw.org; awkwardlysensible@hotmail.com(Tessa);admin@benzowithdrawal.org and swicod@gmail.com (Fortune); lizvistaponies@gmail.com (Dale) Tessa/Donna: "awkwardlysensible@hotmail.com" = "want2boff" (sock account on BB) Dale/Donna: originally "lizvistaponies@gmail.com" - "Minihorse" (sock account on BB) Noa=Jillybean from BW; Skyy from BB; Robin Fairweather, Peori, Arizona] Two things Hope and Colin are purposely trying to bait anyone who will come in to their kitty thread and make a spectacle of themselves. It is pure bullshit, conniving and evil. Tell ANYONE YOU TALK TO NOT TO ENGAGE IN THAT THREAD. BANHAMMER DON'T ENGAGE. ... Strangely and not so strangely, in the last 5 days I believe our ad was discovered by BB staff. A google ad for these forums, based on the ad that I CONSTANTLY ran and paid for for 2 years, will cost approximately $100 per month. Most ads will get 3 or 4 clicks per day. In the last 5 days it seems people have sat on their browsers and constantly clicked our ads, up to 20 clicks a day. The people viewing our forum (the numbers of people) don't support that ad click number and the new members coming in also don't support the ad clicks based on the experiences and statistics I had in the past. Whoever is doing the constant clicking knows that payment is cost per click so each time they click it costs us money. Since we are on page one I've taken out the keyword benzo withdrawal for the ad (the one they are constantly clicking). Benzo Buddies is on a smear Donna campaign. ... Oops. Donna posted to BB. I'm sorry about that. If you want to talk about it we can have a chat. ... email update: Tessa: awkwardlysensible@hotmail.com ... BTW, gave Tessa admin powers but nobody else knows but you. It might work this way, me helping you here as Tessa until I make a new account and nobody else knowing, not even the girls. ... email update: fortune: admin@benzowithdrawal.org -> swicod@gmail.com email update: Dale: lizvistaponies@gmail.com -> admin@benzowithdrawal.org ... I can be a big brat sometimes. I don't care about Noa's relationship with Mike. I am still his friend. It's just better if nobody but you knows who Dale is. It saves everyone a lot of heartache. I want to help so much and if this is the only way I can do it then so be it. I'll go ahead and post that intro. I'm excited for Noa to come on in. I'm going to look at the mod forum and clean it up before we make her a moderator. As soon as we finish all these changes I think that things will start picking up here. ... I doubt she is talking to BB staff members and making her a moderator, even if she does talk to them, will put the idea to sleep that this forum is run by a bunch of "Mike59 supporters" that have dedicated their lives to doing nothing but evil. roflol If you'd like, I can now take on communication roles with members. I think Dale should be (and IS) a benzo survivor so I will prepare an introduction if that's okay with you. I can pick a section of my long benzo saga and turn it into a short story. ... Cocoli - This is Mr. C What do you want to do? I haven't banned him yet. ... I don't care about Mr.C being here but I have noticed, from reading cesspool, that he is constantly making new accounts at BB and they are constantly banning his new accounts there so if we let his account stay here (as long as he has no blog access) maybe he'll not make tons of accounts. Either way, he has no idea the "administration" here knows his IP address or where "Mr.C" lives. Tessa: "awkwardlysensible@hotmail.com" - "want2boff" (sock account on BB) Dale: originally "lizvistaponies@gmail.com" - "Minihorse" (sock account on BB) -------------------------------------------------------------------- poster name | IP | email | date/time | subject | body -------------------------------------------------------------------- | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-09-24 16:06:39 | Cocoli | This is Mr. C What do you want to do? I haven't banned him yet. | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-21 23:08:52 | Re: Some type of alternative therapies section? | Thanks so much. Not amazing though, just experienced. <!-- s;) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/msp_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="wink" /><!-- s;) --> I can be a big brat sometimes. I don't care about Noa's relationship with Mike. I am still his friend. It's just better if nobody but you knows who Dale is. It saves everyone a lot of heartache. I want to help so much and if this is the only way I can do it then so be it. I'll go ahead and post that intro. I'm excited for Noa to come on in. I'm going to look at the mod forum and clean it up before we make her a moderator. As soon as we finish all these changes I think that things will start picking up here. title="thumbsup" /><!-- | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-29 07:11:30 | Re: Noa | I came across 7 addresses in Colorado Springs. Her last name used to be Boutte. She turns 60 years old next month. I'm just going to run a background check but I think it will turn out okay. I'll post the results tomorrow. title="smile" /><!-- | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-29 00:11:01 | Re: Noa | Hello, For some reason I thought I replied to this, but apparently I must not have! I totally am on board with your logic and think it would be completely necessary! I have her phone number and we are going to schedule a call. Robin Fairweather - phone is 719-213-0902. I need to get her address - we keep missing one another on PMs Here is how you can do a lookup on her license: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="https://www.colorado.gov/dora/licensing/Lookup/LicenseLookup.aspx">https://www.colorado.gov/dora/licensing ... ookup.aspx</a><!-- m --> It looks like there are some images attached to it, which I couldn't open, but now I can: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="https://doraimage.state.co.us/">https://doraimage.state.co.us/</a><!-- m --> then you have to click log on and search by name on Division of Registrations Board/Program Action Documents - this brings up two old documents, search by REG LAST NAME (Fairweather) (if it even opens for you, about half the time, it is just a broken link) which show the applicant (Robin Fairweather completed addiction diversion programs which maybe have affected her licensure from periods between 1984 through 1993) - half of the images don't show for me, which is frustrating. The two documents seem to be identical. The licensing program does show her license in good standing, meaning there must have been any issues related to CO licensure. I also know she lived in Arizona, so I did a search on licenses there: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.azbn.gov/OnlineVerificationDetails.aspx?id=151488&certid=170462">http://www.azbn.gov/OnlineVerificationD ... tid=170462</a><!-- m --> - which shows that she withdrew her application - not sure why. I went back to the disciplinary thing which looked like it occurred in Texas and did a search through their system (<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="https://www.bon.state.tx.us/olv/rninq.html">https://www.bon.state.tx.us/olv/rninq.html</a><!-- m -->): ROBIN ANN FAIRWEATHER License Type: REGISTERED NURSE Resides in: CARROLLTON TX 75006 Issued on: 7/25/1983 Licensure Status: REVOKED - 1/1/1986 Compact License: NO Current Disciplinary Action: REVOKED - 1/1/1986 The documents stated that the CA board of nursing reinstated her license in 1995, and I tried to search for that: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www2.dca.ca.gov/pls/wllpub/wllqryna$lcev2.startup?p_qte_code=RN&p_qte_pgm_code=7800">http://www2.dca.ca.gov/pls/wllpub/wllqr ... _code=7800</a><!-- m --> - but this did not bring up any results (perhaps because of the age)? I will get her address. The two I found online were: 417 E Kiowa St, Unit 702 Colorado Springs, CO 80903-8406 and 5308 Kissing Camels Dr Colorado Springs, CO 80904-1084. Let me know how your search goes, and then I can come up with any questions we want to run by her via phone to start the next stage. Hope you are doing well! More migraines here - I need to get my Botox soon! Big hugs xoxo | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-23 19:23:50 | Noa | Any news on Robin's credentials? | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-24 02:45:58 | Re: Noa | Yes, she just gave me the information on how to verify her license and I attached it below, blacking out her identifying information (she asked me to keep her identity between only us, although I don't think it matters if you know). I wrote to her a day or so ago and haven't heard back, so let me check in with her again. [attachment=0:1gaepd36]<!-- ia0 -->credential.jpg<!-- ia0 -->[/attachment:1gaepd36] | | Tessa | 108.225.226.203 | awkwardlysensible@hotmail.com | 2012-07-24 01:28:57 | Re: BenzOhNooo | lol. Let them keep posting on and on and on with no answer. Then we can ban her and delete the crazy posts after she's made about 10. edit: better to lock the thread after the ban but please don't be in a hurry to ban. This will show people you mean business. | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-21 21:09:07 | Re: Some type of alternative therapies section? | Sounds good! Yes, now that you reminded me about the special permissions, I remembered what to do. I went into the User's Permissions and checked on the Moderator and Admin roles, and saw you had given them "no role assigned" which is what I should have done! Grrr, those dang permissions! I think Noa has been on here a lot lately, and she has spoken to me about her relationship to Mike, which is that he was supportive of her over at the old BW, and she might talk to him once or twice a year, but she hasn't and doesn't intend to tell him about her membership here. She seems like she is committed to doing good and helping people, at least in the discussions we've had. I touched base with her to tell her I had been on travel and was sort of out of it. I'm going to contact her now so we can get started on vetting. I loved your introduction and I think it's great to see Dale posting! I replied to your intro in it's thread. You are an amazing woman! Big hugs xoxo | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-21 16:31:20 | Re: Some type of alternative therapies section? | I think it's okay to keep it the way it is. They have threads over at BB that former admins and mods made over 4 years ago. We can just move forward. I'll go ahead and deactivate fortune. Also I saw that you took banhammer out of the mod group. Remember that when someone is a mod we grant them moderator permissions so after someone is made a moderator we have to set their moderator permissions. After we remove a moderator we have to go into the permission sets again and remove those permissions separately like we applied them separately in the beginning. I'll show you how to do it when you make Noa a moderator. Has she given her credentials to you yet? You should tell her we'd like to get started before she loses her ambition, I think. <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/msp_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="smile" /><!-- s:) --> I doubt she is talking to BB staff members and making her a moderator, even if she does talk to them, will put the idea to sleep that this forum is run by a bunch of "Mike59 supporters" that have dedicated their lives to doing nothing but evil. roflol If you'd like, I can now take on communication roles with members. I think Dale should be (and IS) a benzo survivor so I will prepare an introduction if that's okay with you. I can pick a section of my long benzo saga and turn it into a short story. <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/msp_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="smile" /><!-- s:) --> (Believe me, I have a long and interesting story). xoxo | | fortune | 72.167.234.173 | swicod@gmail.com | 2012-07-24 00:51:24 | Re: BenzoOhNooo | Troll. Tell the mods not to answer any more of their questions. They can defintely see the chat. The mods can answer things like good luck, ask your doctor, hope you get the info you need, etc. but no advice. It's also a woman not a man. No solid proof so we shouldn't ban, just watch. | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-21 01:35:21 | Re: Some type of alternative therapies section? | Great! I think it will be a useful section for people, and we can do a lot to give good information there too. I like your new avatar, and your new name! Will you keep the Tessa account also? | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-24 15:42:49 | Re: Noa | I would like to thoroughly vet her if you don't mind. I will not tell a soul her real name. I need her name to make sure there is nothing outstanding with her license, etc. FYI in the future a jpg is not sufficient. We need to be 100% sure she is who she says she is. Not that she isn't trustworthy but we don't really know her. A phone conversation between you and her must happen before she can even be a moderator. Also I need her phone # and address so I can cross check to be sure that she is who and what she says she is. If she is not willing to go that far then she can't be our RN. A phone call is enough to be a moderator but nothing else until we have checked and cross checked her credentials. I hope you understand. If we are representing a nurse we have to be 100% positive that we are doing the right thing. It's ultimately up to you but this is what I would definitely do, based on my past experience. <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/msp_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="smile" /><!-- s:) --> | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-21 02:09:09 | Re: Some type of alternative therapies section? | I think you should keep the Tessa account for sure. Deactivating fortune sounds like a good idea. Are there any fortune posts that I should change myself to the author of, or do you think we are okay with things as they are? | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-21 01:44:46 | Re: Some type of alternative therapies section? | Should I? I didn't deactivate Tessa or fortune but I did take them out of admin and mod groups. I would like to deactivate fortune if that's okay. | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-07-22 05:52:02 | eddy? | Looks like this guy registered with a proxy server that is on a few blacklists, and is now browsing with a different proxy server, also on a few blacklists. Do we go ahead and ban them if we don't know who they are, or just let them be until they do something suspicious? I don't want to jump the gun and start banning people for no good reason, but at the same time, I know we want to be cautious. How did you handle the proxy people in the past? Thanks for chatting with me on the phone tonight - it helped to talk! Also, random question - when I created the progress blogs section, I was trying to make it so you could only reply to your own thread, but I never accomplished that, so I just kept it hidden until we sorted something. I see it's back now (probably when you were fixing permissions). Did you alter it so it is editable by people, or should we just hide it (or remove) it again? Since the blogs aren't growing too fast, having the progress blogs might be extraneous for now until we get bigger. Big hugs to you. xoxo | | fortune | 72.167.234.173 | swicod@gmail.com | 2012-07-22 06:10:23 | Re: eddy? | We were the only people who could see it. I changed it back so we don't have to see it. Re: eddy, I think we should wait and see what this person does. It's most likely Mike59 but maybe not. Have no idea why people are using proxies but the worst they can do is cause trouble then we ban them. | | Tessa | 108.225.226.203 | awkwardlysensible@hotmail.com | 2012-07-22 16:58:02 | BenzOhNooo | Also has a troll smell about "him"? Using a proxy server that you wouldn't know was a proxy. Mentioning Halcion which is almost never prescribed in the US and banned in the UK. I'll leave the rest of BenzOhNooo up to you but I smell a rat. BTW, gave Tessa admin powers but nobody else knows but you. It might work this way, me helping you here as Tessa until I make a new account and nobody else knowing, not even the girls. This way we won't have to put any of the staff in a precarious situation. We'll talk. Get some sleep! Love and hugs, Tessa | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-07-23 01:49:38 | Permissions in Admin/Mod Forum | Hiya, I was going to try and move the M59 discussion to our section here, but the quick mod tools were all disabled for me in that forum, so I wasn't sure what to do. Is this a permissions thing? I think I had deleted a post there once or twice before, so something must have been changed. I didn't want to change anything b/c I'm sure I'd mess it up - is it forum permissions, user permissions, etc. lol. Maybe you can help me with that. Good idea on Tessa's account - I was thinking something like that - a surreptitious user with admin access but that didn't show as admin upon login! xo | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-07-23 01:53:04 | Re: BenzOhNooo | Yeah, he seemed a bit trollish initially. I will look at his IP. He said he was from Europe (Germany?) so I know there are different benzo names there and it's hard to know what is what in med translations. Stupid trolls LOL | | Tessa | 108.225.226.203 | awkwardlysensible@hotmail.com | 2012-07-23 02:16:20 | Re: Permissions in Admin/Mod Forum | Okay. I'll move it. I don't have time to figure out permissions on that tonight so please remind me later. Uh oh, I can't move it either so guess I'll have to work on that now. BTW I think eddy might be M59 | | Tessa | 108.225.226.203 | awkwardlysensible@hotmail.com | 2012-07-23 02:25:36 | Re: Permissions in Admin/Mod Forum | fixed. It was because we removed global moderator group so just set some global mod permissions without putting us in the group. | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-07-23 21:09:34 | Re: Permissions in Admin/Mod Forum | I was attempting to change the post author on some of the articles and couldn't figure out how, so I went on to phpBB and finally got it. While doing so, it gave a tutorial on checking permissions to moderate topics, so I followed the instructions, and saw that a few of the forums, for Admins, had no Full Moderator access (actually had No Access for moderation), so I fixed that (that is what you see on the backend). Regarding changing the post author - now that I know how to do that, which posts should I go ahead and change? I didn't want to start changing too many - I saw you had done some in the Articles, so I did those, but I can change any other ones (e.g., policy documents, etc. - whatever ones you think would be best to move in my name), now that I know how! I just went ahead and banned eddy. Every time I checked his browsing status, he was browsing from a different proxy and he wasn't posting anything, so he/she just seemed a bit suspicious with all the proxy business. | | Tessa | 108.225.226.203 | awkwardlysensible@hotmail.com | 2012-07-23 21:11:23 | Re: Permissions in Admin/Mod Forum | I did most of the author changes already. about the photo info you can tell brent the following You have to upload the pictures to a photo host like photobucket or flickr first and use the url they give you in between the image codes. I don't think he knows he has to host his photos somewhere first. | | Tessa | 108.225.226.203 | awkwardlysensible@hotmail.com | 2012-07-23 21:17:10 | Re: Permissions in Admin/Mod Forum | You just altered permissions for Admin, right? FYI we don't need to even use the forum moderator role. I never used it at the other place. There was no need. It was probably something that needed to be changed in the basic permissions role. I don't have time to check today but do let me know before you do stuff with permissions. I just don't want things to get too complicated in the back end. Phpbb sets it up so weird regarding hierarchy of permissions and it confuses me sometimes. | | Tessa | 108.225.226.203 | awkwardlysensible@hotmail.com | 2012-07-23 21:20:19 | Re: Permissions in Admin/Mod Forum | Okay never mind I see what you did. <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/msp_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="smile" /><!-- s:) --> It was still probably something in the basic permission masks but cool! | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-07-23 22:42:01 | Re: Permissions in Admin/Mod Forum | Yes, I probably didn't need to do it, once I figured out what I was supposed to do to change the authors! This is what I did with the backend: ACP > Permssions tab > Groups forum Permssions > Administrators > Highlighted all of the forums > From the top drop down Selected Moderator permissions / Go > Advanced Permissions - then made sure all of the forums had Full Moderator Access. That was the advice given on the phpBB website. I won't muck around with permissions anymore - it's way too complicated! I don't think I messed anything up. But I do like to break things =) xoxo | | fortune | 72.167.234.173 | swicod@gmail.com | 2012-07-24 00:17:41 | Re: Permissions in Admin/Mod Forum | Nah you didn't break anything. <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/msp_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="smile" /><!-- s:) --> That will work for now because permissions still mess with my head. lol! When I get some time I'll take a look around and see where I messed up permissions to begin with. I'm positive it was me. It's been awhile. xo | | fortune | 72.167.234.173 | swicod@gmail.com | 2012-07-24 00:38:18 | Re: BenzOhNooo | Answer to give benzohnoo's question in the taper section. "Benzowithdrawal.org provides educational information for the individual. It is in each person's interest to acquire extended information as this website only has a limited amount of information to date. Always consult your health care provider with questions of this nature. There are many different benzo charts with different equiivalents available through web searches. The varous equivalents are best discussed with your health care provider." Feel free to reword it. | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-07-24 05:54:38 | Re: BenzOhNooo | Sounds good! Whacko trolls. You'd think people have better things to do with their time, but apparently not. | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-21 00:53:39 | Re: Some type of alternative therapies section? | I saw the new section. It's great! I will be posting as Dale from now on if that's okay. | | Tessa | 108.225.226.203 | awkwardlysensible@hotmail.com | 2012-08-19 17:23:20 | Some type of alternative therapies section? | I think we talked about this before. It would be a good idea but a better name? p.s. are you going to announce Dale? | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-19 21:36:44 | Re: Some type of alternative therapies section? | Hello, I had to go on a little jaunt to Colorado and the altitude has been making me all wonky! I will announce Dale to everyone, and work on collaborating more with Noa (Robin) - I will forward you her PM with some ideas she had; I think she is going to be a good asset! I was so pleased to hear about your chili roasting party! I love the smell of them roasting in the late summer and nothing compares to Hatch chilis - you are right about that! I can move Ban out of the mods group and when we next talk you can fill me in, no problem! I think an alternative therapies section would ge a good idea - a lot of people seem to ask about supplements, Eastern medicine, etc. I can think of a name and set it up. I'll forward you that PM and you can let me know what you think! Hugs xoxo | | fortune | 72.167.234.173 | swicod@gmail.com | 2012-08-05 18:57:15 | google + and twitter info | I know you posted the Google + and Twitter account info in the mod section but I can't find it. <!-- s:( --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/msp_sad.gif" alt=":(" title="sad" /><!-- s:( --> Can you post it here? I have some things I'd like to post about Dr. Melemis. xo | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-06 01:07:24 | Re: google + and twitter info | Here is the twitter: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="https://twitter.com/bzdwithdrawal">https://twitter.com/bzdwithdrawal</a><!-- m --> username is bzdwithdrawal password is BZDwd2012 Here is the G+ page: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/100086702797424354360/100086702797424354360/posts">https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/100086702 ... 4360/posts</a><!-- m --> I added you as a manager (or invited you) using your turtleshoes yahoo account, but if you have a Gmail account, I can add you as a page manager that way too. You seem to have a G+ profile: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="https://plus.google.com/u/0/111647928995529946822/posts">https://plus.google.com/u/0/111647928995529946822/posts</a><!-- m --> (but not sure what account that uses). When you are logged into plus.google.com, you go to the lefthand side where it says "More" and select "Switch to Page" and that should show you the Pages you manage (separate to your own profile) if this makes sense. Otherwise, if you let me know what you what to post, I can post it as well :-) | | fortune | 72.167.234.173 | swicod@gmail.com | 2012-08-06 04:12:44 | Re: google + and twitter info | Wow I didn't even know I had that Google+ account. I just deleted it. I have a gmail address <!-- e --><a href="mailto:turtleshoes41@gmail.com">turtleshoes41@gmail.com</a><!-- e -->. I don't know if I have a google+ account with that address but I'll check. | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-06 04:17:44 | Re: google + and twitter info | LOL on the G+ account - I think they have created profiles for everyone with a Gmail account now. I went ahead and used your Gmail address and invited you to be a site manager. I think to login to G+ you need the Gmail account anyway. Let me know if you can get it working for you. =) | | fortune | 72.167.234.173 | swicod@gmail.com | 2012-08-06 04:19:24 | Anthea | Just be honest with her. She is already lending a hand in the Taper/Titration section and that is her expertise. <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/msp_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="smile" /><!-- s:) --> Tell her what your views are about benzo withdrawal, i.e. how you feel about what you've experienced yourself, how you feel about bad information that is given to people, etc. and any other view you may have, i.e. working with doctors, etc. I'd ask her what advice she would have for you. <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/msp_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="smile" /><!-- s:) --> She's spent many years being of service to others. I think she would be interested in helping you make this forum a success. edit: if you get the chance, call me tomorrow and we can talk about it. xo | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-29 14:48:12 | Re: Noa | Her check came out fine. Let me know when you both talk. If you think she's okay I do too. <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/msp_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="smile" /><!-- s:) --> | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-31 03:55:08 | Re: Noa | Great news! I will schedule a call with her and report back! How have you been holding up? xoxo | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-08-31 15:54:05 | Re: Noa | I hurt my back soooo bad, putting my grandson down off the stairs! It's getting better though. I see we have some new members. That's great. I want things to pick up here. <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/msp_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="smile" /><!-- s:) --> | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-09-02 15:45:25 | forum ownership | Are you ready for me to transfer ownership to you? We can both be founders for awhile until you feel like you can handle it on your own. Then I can just make you a founder and change my founder status. It's up to you. Let me know if you think you are ready. Love, Me p.s. Is Noa going to be a mod? | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-09-03 02:29:16 | Re: forum ownership | That sounds like a plan! I saw we needed to update the phpBB version, which I downloaded, but realized I didn't have the FTP user/pass to actually proceed. Have you done the upgrades before? It didn't look too hard. I have a GoDaddy account, and I think transferring is relatively easy, although I've never done it before. I need to still schedule a call with Robin - she was having chemo this week and I think taking it easy, but she has a lot of good ideas, and once we talk by phone, if it goes well, I think it would be a good way to proceed! Also, do we have a FB page? I thought we did but then I couldn't find it. If not, I can just make one again. Otherwise, I think there is a way to add me as a page manager. You have to enter my email in page managers area (<!-- e --><a href="mailto:plutonium@gmail.com">plutonium@gmail.com</a><!-- e -->) and that will link my FB with the page's account. Love you too - hope you are hanging in with the heat and your poor back. How is your niece doing? xoxo | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-09-03 17:16:24 | Re: forum ownership | We should update when there's nobody on line. I've never done an update before so I don't know if it will mess with the modifications I manually applied but all we can do is try. I took the FB page down because we were getting very strange likes so you are welcome to make a new one. Maybe we can get together next week and do the update. My niece is up and down. She has another MRSA sore on her butt so they had to lance it and give her antibiotics. It's become a huge drama with her mother's family (my brother divorced her mom when my niece was 5) and I'm backing off a little. I had a lot of pressure to take her home with me but I just can't expose my family to MRSA. That is how my brother died, by contracting MRSA while in the hospital. It's not something I'm willing to gamble with. My daughter is pregnant again. (YAY) | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-09-04 18:56:58 | Re: forum ownership | I updated the forum this morning. I had to do it manually but it was a great learning experience! <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/msp_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="smile" /><!-- s:) --> | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-09-25 21:37:45 | Re: Cocoli | Somehow I missed your message. Hmmm - I don't see a reason why he needs to be here - is he even tapering or on benzos? It seemed like his post was a "test the waters" to see how we would respond in order to give him fodder? I don't know him or his agenda. Let me think about it and see what your thoughts are. If he's just going to make one post, not get fed an Ashton bit, I wonder if he'd even come back or continue posting. I don't get what people's interest in benzo forums is. How are you doing? I was able to go to Dallas for a few days to attend a web/graphic design conference that I won in a contest, which was very good, and travelling was not even that big of a deal! How are things with your niece these days? Been thinking of you, especially when I smell chilis roasting : ) | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-09-26 01:19:20 | Re: Cocoli | I don't care about Mr.C being here but I have noticed, from reading cesspool, that he is constantly making new accounts at BB and they are constantly banning his new accounts there so if we let his account stay here (as long as he has no blog access) maybe he'll not make tons of accounts. Either way, he has no idea the "administration" here knows his IP address or where "Mr.C" lives. I'm for whatever you want to do. I don't think they need to be here but nothing happens here so they'll probably just slink away just like Banana101 did. We never banned her account either. I'm doing good. I was sick for awhile. Withdrawal stuff just came back out of nowhere and I was in a bad funk for a week or two. My niece is doing better and better. They now have her on soft foods so she is slowly on her way to eating solid foods and maybe finally getting that NG tube removed from her stomach. I'm so glad that you got to go on a trip to a conference! What contest did you win? That is SO cool! hugs! "Dale" | | Dale | 108.225.228.236 | admin@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-09-26 21:57:28 | Jenn | Have you thought about bringing her on as a full moderator? Jason (Kirby) isn't here much and I think he'd probably like to be let go as a mod. I'll ask him. Also, have you heard from Robin? She's posting at cesspool. | | cayenne | 76.18.70.55 | cayenne@benzowithdrawal.org | 2012-09-26 23:55:43 | Re: Cocoli | I think we could just see what good old Mr. C does. His first odd post and the responses he received which were all good might just make him uninterested enough to pursue activity here further. I got an email from Robin - she said she was in between treatments and just sort of taking it easy. I think Jenn would be another good choice like you suggested. She isn't terribly skilled on the computer, but I think she could easily learn. I've corresponded with her for almost a year now via email so I know her character. I have her phone number as well, so this is something I could see if she was interested in doing. I'm so sorry you were sick. Withdrawal is so bizarre, it never ceases to amaze me what kinds of things just pop out of nowhere. I'm glad you are feeling better now, and so glad to hear about your niece! That is wonderful news that she is progressing, albeit slowly. The contest I won was sponsored by this company I buy web design tee shirts from. They asked people to post why they were deserving of going to this conference - it was a web/graphic design conference for non-profits, and I won! I haven't been to any web conferences before, just science ones back from my previous career, so this was really cool to meet people doing similar work. Big hugs back! |
A few people suggested I make a statement so I'm posting it here. It's long and could easily be construed as blabbering so it will be continued in several comments.
ReplyDeletePart 1
I’m not sure exactly where this statement should go so I’m just posting it here. Feel free to keep it here or make a post out of it if you want to.
I was hesitating on making a statement due to all of the libel and mudslinging going on elsewhere but, out of respect for many people, I decided to go ahead.
First of all, I haven’t really communicated with Scott for many months. Aside from answering some of his dozens of emails a few weeks ago regarding what you all call the document dumps I haven’t corresponded with him for a very long time.
I closed BE because I was basically tired of all the drama which was interfering with the day to day functioning of the forum as well as monopolizing my personal life. At the time I was planning to walk away forever. After BE was closed for a few months the few people who were involved with the administration and moderation of BE thought it would be nice to open a new forum. I had the url benzowithdrawal.org so all of us offered to help (including Drew) get it started. Drew was going to put it on one of his client’s servers but I didn’t think that was such a great idea so, fast forward, I set it up for them including the software and hosting package. Marie needed help learning the software. I felt good about helping them before I was to move on. Due to all that was going on and the gossip/drama surrounding my name and some of the things I participated in the past I thought it would be a good idea to keep my involvement private, thus fortune. It was only supposed to be for a short while and I saw no reason to attach my name to people who were good, kind and *uninvolved*. Fast forward, I set up the forum and we all thought it would be a good idea for me to post a bit to get it started. Because Drew and I were supposedly leaving the new forum (*neither of us had left yet) and fortune was deactivating, Tessa was made. (…still trying to keep my real name out of it due, in part, to fear inducing posts on other forums as well as Scott always saying “my associates” and I and “we have sleeper accounts” etc. on his site). For the record, I have no sleeper accounts at BB and I’m not part of Scott’s “associates”. I may have been his associate in the VERY beginning but it has been a very long time since I’ve actively participated in anything at all that he does. If my DMP account is still active I don’t know because I haven’t been on there in ages. I don’t even read there, contrary to what people may think. This past week has been nothing but this current drama and I’m already sick of it. I don’t have much tolerance for things that cause upset these days. I’m not reading anything anymore for awhile so if this statement gets posted and I don’t respond immediately to any subsequent comments, this is why.
Part 2
ReplyDeleteBack to the new forum, one of Marie’s goals was to keep it fact based so I stuck around for a bit. Also, Marie wasn’t yet ready to take on the software by herself. Drew and I talked about leaving and we WERE doing that. Drew had a hard time not talking about it all to Scott. The main goal was to avoid exactly what is happening now over at Scott’s site, not for my sake because I was responsible for my own involvement but for Marie’s sake and the others who were giving of themselves and their time, thus the denial, etc. I should note that these drug withdrawal forums will never be totally free of Ashton, blame or advice nor will they ever be purely science based. This is just the nature of human beings and life. Even scientific studies are biased in many ways. So, people just have to live as best they can because first you are born, second you live and third you die. You don’t get to choose how, where or when you are born and it’s basically the same when you die. Everyone has some control of the second part of their short existence and, even then, there are many things that are beyond their control.
I think about Jon, if he is really passed on and if he did, did he die full of anger and vengeance? How about us that watched Jackie go through what she did, read what she felt, thought etc. before she took her own life? I know I don’t want to die that way and I have no control over when I do die so I’m moving forward and trying my best to learn from the past rather than live in it.
The cursing out to Colin in an email was more because I was so sick and tired of his “be afraid, be VERY afraid” messages and he WAS lying/libeling/speculating and instigating falsehood by presenting a fervent “idea”. As I recall he was inferring that Mike59/Scott had something to do with the starting of the new forum and that people’s personal information was going to be compromised or some sort of nutty and ominous warning like that so he deserved to be challenged. Sure I was mad, mainly because he was immediately trying to sully people who had good hearts and intentions (Marie, etc.) with his wild imaginings. About the only thing he said that was true was that I was involved. Everything else was just fear and paranoia inducing verbal diarrhea. In an odd way he and Scott are very much alike in their reactions and suppositions.
When Drew and I were going to leave there were still a few unfinished technical aspects that needed attention on my end so, rather than let Drew carry around the fact that I was still there due to his continued ties to Scott and his inability to be completely dishonest, we just made the new admin account until I could finish up. I wasn’t there very much at all at this point, only vetting new members once or twice a week, as I do today. This was pretty important for them at the time obviously due to all the initial rumors and now, again, today as you will see when you read on. At some point in the near future Marie will hopefully find someone to take my place and I can really be completely gone.
part 3
ReplyDeleteA few weeks ago, maybe a month ago, I got an email from Marie that someone had cracked her password and obtained some information. Whoever it was deleted the Tessa avatar so they had a specific agenda when doing what they did. We knew it was all eventually going to come out in the open because people who do these types of things just can’t keep it to themselves. They do it, sometimes, because they think they are doing something honorable but, in the end, it just ends up hurting people and it’s also illegal so anyone attempting to do something illegal has moral issues to begin with. Whoever did it can pat their own back for being that famous new password cracking gumshoe. All they really found out is that I was helping incognito and that Marie has only good intentions.
Contrary to what people have been conditioned to think, I have no desire to attack or hurt people. If I didn’t want to be of service I wouldn’t have opened a forum in the first place. In the beginning of BE, there were all kinds of attacks toward me for not doing what people wanted me to do. Rather than go into detail, the history starts with a group of people from the old BW who hated Scott and then, because I wouldn’t ban him, started in on me. I had never done one bad thing to any of these people and, suddenly, they were sending anonymous hate mail, sending me private messages of anger and rage on BE, etc. . Some nut who called himself “Batman was trying to blackmail L’andy and I by saying if we didn’t ban Scott from BE we would receive “POW, KABAAM” or something just as juvenile. Donny admitted to stalking my daughter and L’andy on FB. Gail was using my daughter’s FB profile for her personal purposes regarding Scott and BE. My daughter didn’t and still doesn’t know anything about it. Now, what would you think if some stranger decided to spend their time looking up information on your loved ones? I think you know what you would do. At that point I had to take a stand/a side and I only had one choice.
When my daughter started being used/stalked that’s when I got myself more deeply involved. Also, L’andy, who I still love like a daughter to this day, was giving of herself in a huge way over at BE and being compromised as well. She was used and abused by the original group just as much as I was, if not more. It was crazy. So, fast forward, L’andy was done with it all (I don’t blame her) and left. She went on BB and made a statement that appeared to be negative about me. I said and did nothing. I asked Scott to leave her alone many times. In fact, Scott used to say that he would never do anything like that to her, that she was the same age (or around that age) of his daughter. I trusted that he would keep his word. Well, he ended up not keeping his word, even though he always boasts that he is a man of his word. He claimed that C was very angry about L’andy doing what she did and gave me all kinds of reasons, like she was mean to people in the old BW chat, etc. Sure, I was very hurt when she made that post but I had no desire for revenge or rebuttal. I knew she was going to make it long before she did because, at the time, there was access to BB’s private contact board. I also told him to just stop making posts about Dan and Heather because they were a thorn in his side due to the fact that they were standing up for themselves. He did stop posting about them only because it was of benefit to him. In the end, they got his site shut down at ipage. When he did the thing with L’andy, posting pictures of her in shackles, etc., that’s when I realized that he would never keep his word. A person is only as good as their word. He also stated in the past that he would never attack me. Oh the irony of it all! ;) When you can’t trust anything someone avers anymore then it’s time to move on.
part 4
ReplyDeleteI’m obviously guilty of lying/hiding in the past. This was all so crazy and who to believe? How do I defend myself and at the same time run a website? My ego was sure flying high so I created NT because I was so pissed off at the attacks toward me. Scott didn’t even know I was NT. Again, trust. I say, just like Banana says, “Trust no one”. If that means you have to lie then lie. People who would hurt you or use things against you don’t deserve to know the truth anyway. I didn’t really “know” these people, and was on the defensive. I really thought he was defending himself in the beginning. He said his wife, brother, children, etc. were all being attacked, in fact; I saw some of what “they” were doing and it wasn’t very nice. I took it very personal when L’andy and I were grouped into their agenda and I wasn’t going to be passive about it. Later on it got crazier and crazier. Cesspool was on the attack and it was nothing but attack after attack so I felt bad for Scott and posted with a few different user names to make it seem like he had more supporters when, in reality, there was only a small few.
Then Colin got himself involved in the whole thing. At first he and BB had absolutely nothing to do with all of this. Colin decided he would listen to the people who were blowing everything completely out of proportion and make everything public, including the harassment of me, L’andy and my family. I would tell Colin to just not tell his members, that they shouldn’t be needlessly exposed to all of it but he kept doing it. He is also guilty of committing acts anger and revenge under the guise of him protecting his members as well as libel and blackmail. He told me that if I didn’t ban Scott from BE (and BE was not his site, had nothing to do with BB) he was going to make things “public”. I could go on and on and on. Nobody who involved themselves in this is innocent in any way, shape or form. They can all play innocent but the fact is that they chose to commit their own acts under the guise of justice, just like I did. Of course, we’re all just a bunch of idiots who did a lot of very stupid and sometimes hateful things under our own rationalization that we were doing something honorable and good. Sometimes we were conned and other times we were all just highly reactive. Some are still going on about it. I’m not.
At a certain point in this psychological drama I took a step back and thought, “All I wanted to do was be of service to people I the beginning and look what it turned into. Holy crap, what did I get myself involved with?” Everyone had valid reasons for some things, good ideas, on both sides some things were very wrong, etc. Nobody’s ideas were being presented with reasoning and in any positive light. The negativity and anger that everyone has been exposed to, both on the forums and on Cesspool of Madness, was becoming a disease and I caught it despite my attempts to remain positive and my reasoning as to why some of my actions were justified. I got to the point I feel that people can make all kinds of personal excuses as to why it’s okay to hurt another person. A word to the masses, if someone is physically standing in front of you and threatening to hurt, kill or maim you then defend yourself. If they are libeling you on the internet then contact an attorney. Don’t act like an idiot and do the same things to them that they’re doing to you. It might make you feel a little better but people will think you’re insane. If someone is altering using photographs of you to express their emotions don’t let it bother you. Worse things are done to politicians and celebrities every single day.
part 5
ReplyDeleteCesspool of Madness isn’t what it started out to be. Whatever peaks his interest is his new reason. As of late he’s calling me schizophrenic. I had a few good laughs about it. He also says I’ve been conspiring against him for months. Now that is a sign of paranoid delusional thinking because I’ve been very happy enjoying life and not too interested in what drama is going on in this internet benzodiazepine withdrawal world these days. The only reason I even knew about the “document dumps” being made public was because Scott sent me an email with a link. On one of his last angry emails he said to me something like “let God deal with xxxxx”. Sometimes I wish people would take their own advice.
On an end note, and I’ve said this before – I’ve done some rotten things that I’m not proud of. I can see why I did them but, in short, it was poor reasoning as excuses (as I previously pointed out). Once I took a step back and tried to see it all (both sides of it) from a detached perspective there was no good reason for any of it. If I’ve hurt anyone, inadvertently or directly, that did nothing to hurt or harm me or mine I deeply apologize. I don’t apologize to those who deliberately set out to harm me or mine. I never struck out at anyone first and I am not even striking back at anyone these days. I have no room for this type of mentality in my life anymore. On the opposite hand I also have no problem offering forgiveness if people are genuinely sorry and make an effort, with their actions, to show such.
Blaming forums for suicides may just be a way to express the fear, hurt and anger that is felt when something like this happens (like I did) but it doesn’t negate the fact that these online health or drug forums don’t cause people to commit suicide. Nobody knows what the lives of these people are like on a day to day basis, what happened in their past or what goes on in their heads. Nobody knows if they’re telling the whole truth of their situation either. Many people read the same things on the internet and the vast majority don’t kill themselves. I don’t think it’s a good idea to place blame and hatred on doctors just like I don’t think its right to blame forums for suicides. I also feel that spreading false information (example: MSG wreaks havoc on the brain) is conducive to helping anyone anywhere and I don’t think that laymen giving medical advice is okay and people taking advice from laymen should be responsible for themselves. They don’t need some stranger protecting them, especially someone who makes fun of them, mocks them and makes a spectacle of them whenever possible. That’s what abusive mates do. They abuse under the guise that they are the protector, slap their mates around, verbally abuse, seek control of their lives and then say they are sorry/love you, tell their mates it is for their own good.
I disagree with the worship of the Ashton manual. I don’t think that Ashton’s study results should be the basis for people to withdraw from benzodiazepines 40 years after its publication. It was only one study on 300 people. I’ve said that over and over again. It is a bastion of fear and hope to too many people. First they read it, get the shit scared out of them and say to themselves “Okay. Here is the schedule that will prevent me from suffering like I read in the first ¾ of this publication.” I agree that Ashton is guilty of hurting people because she wanted to be what people have made her. She’s an old lady now. I was told by Alison, who was in communication with Ashton when Alison was still alive, that Ashton hated the way Benzo Island was run and the way they did things. I doubt Dr. Ashton’s plans, when writing up her manual, were to have a group of people on the future internet worship her.
part 6
ReplyDeleteI don’t know much of anything about Scientology or CCHR. I never paid too close attention to any of the things being said about it. The only thing I know about Scientology is that they believe an earth species had sex with aliens and that’s what we are. I also know that Tom Cruise and John Travolta are Scientologists as well as Kirsty Alley. I also only know about what I’ve read here and there on these sites and other places in the past. I don’t really care about Scientology one way or the other because it is just another fanatical group of which I’ve read a little bit about. Some people I know have read L Ron Hubbard novels and told me what they thought o them but I was never interested. I tried to read Dianetics a long time ago but I couldn’t get past the first few pages.
I, personally, have moved past the hurt, anger, blame and revenge. It’s all in the past and its old news to me and takes entirely too much effort and energy that I’d rather spend doing something else. This doesn’t mean I’m not above helping other people. If I decide to participate and/or be involved in something it really is my prerogative as to whether I decide to tell people about my activities. I don’t know too many people who keep a public diary of their daily activities and events. Some may but I don’t have the time for it.
About Baylissa, I don’t really know what she’s up to now. I never read her book. I had no interest in any of the benzo literature out there, not after being exposed to the Ashton manual. I don’t keep up with things in this particular world anymore. What I can say and have always said is that years ago she had a site called Lights In My Windows which I found in a Google search. It was very positive and she offered a lot of hope to people, especially those who had read so much negativity on the then existing benzo forums. I will always appreciate that the site was there for people to find and read. It was a light amid all the dark meanderings of people on forums, especially Benzo Island which was the absolute worst of the worst. Old news, I know, but it is worth mentioning. I can even say that her old blog encouraged me to begin doing scientific research on the crazy claims that were being made on sites like Benzo Island. Thus, I have nothing to say about what Baylissa is currently doing because, again, my interests lie in my daily life now and not the activities of other people who heavily utilize the internet. My internet hours are extremely dwindled these days (with the exception of the last week or so).
part 7
ReplyDeleteOf course none of this really means much of anything because talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. Also, once trust is lost it must be earned back at twice the cost or more and I’m not sure I’ve touched on earning it back or if I even deem it a worthwhile endeavor at this point. I’m sure I’ve missed a lot, touched on some uninteresting points and there may be other questions that are unanswered but I can’t write all day. I’ve done enough blabbing today but I did do it to honor some decent people who have done absolutely nothing to hurt anyone.